There are three words that can form a formidable opposition to learning:
supposed, should, and discipline
Maybe not the words you were expecting, but allow me to explain:
When you’re “supposed” to maintain the “discipline” to do something everyday, what happens when you miss a day? It means you lack discipline. You didn’t do what you’re supposed to do, what you should be doing.
So the next day, because you feel guilty, you redouble your efforts. This time you won’t slack off. This time you’ll keep your nose to the grindstone and make it happen.
And, Oops! You forgot again. You got distracted. You had other obligations. And the cycle continues.
Is this bad? Does it mean you won’t reach your goal? Not necessarily. The question hanging in the background is, What’s moving you forward?
Are you pushing yourself forward to avoid the feeling of guilt and failure because you didn’t maintain your regimen? Are you motivating yourself by avoiding what you don’t want?
And bear in mind, you can achieve just about anything with that mindset. We do it all the time in school and work, we push ourselves forward because we’re supposed to, because we should, because we want to avoid the consequences of failing to do what we should.
But is that what you want? Is keeping guilt and failure at bay what you want your Japanese journey to be about?
This is the nature of how we use the words “should”, “supposed”, and “discipline”. We use them as clubs to beat ourselves and others. Not doing what you should do is bad. Failing to do what you’re supposed to do is bad. And both are signs that you lack the discipline to accomplish anything.
But think of a little 5 year old girl with a basic grasp of language. She can weave together her fair share of precocious sentences but the breadth of her knowledge is, of course, limited.
Did she acquire her language skills because of her discipline? Does the word discipline even come to mind when you think of most 5 year olds?
For the few years she’s been using language, was she always doing what she “should” do, what she’s “supposed” to do? Certainly not. But great progress, for a child, was made.
And if we look at the success of that child, what do we see? Well, she was trying to communicate everyday with parents, teachers, siblings and friends. Hmm…Everyday - So you’re supposed to work on communication everyday!
Doh!
Slow down. What you have done, is taken the description of what someone else has done and turned it into a prescription - a list of things you’re supposed to do. It’s easy to do but it’s not what we’re looking for.
Instead, let’s ask why the little girl was communicating everyday? Why does someone without a plan, technique, method or even a goal work everyday towards mastering a language?!?
As a 5 year old, she has shown more “discipline” in learning a language than you or I ever have with Japanese!
Both the disciplined language learner and the undisciplined 5 year old, display the same daily dedication to learning.
And, to be sure, what the adult language learner is working towards is very different from the 5 year old.
But the 5 year old doesn’t burn out and take 3 months off from learning language. She’s still a child so she throws tantrums and gives people the silent treatment, but a few hours later she’s reading and chattering away.
The difference between the adult and the child is push and pull. Adults push with “should” and “supposed to” while children are pulled by their wonder of the world around them.
But it gets worse, adults will apply that same “should/supposed” mindset to what pulls them!
Take something you love to do, something you’re passionate about, and turn it into a requirement. Part of the core of what you’re passionate about is that it isn’t something you have to do. It’s something you choose to do above all else.
Turn it into an obligation, a “supposed to”, a “should” and you diminish it. Keep pushing and you could even lose your passion for it. Have you ever met a brilliant pianist whose grace on the keyboard astounded you, but who didn’t like to play?
Despite such passion and talent, 15 years of being forced to practice, while cultivating great skill, killed the passion.
So what does all this mean? Well, you can’t magically pull yourself with constant wonder through Japanese.
But you can always be searching. Looking for topics or TV shows or people who pull you in because you want to understand, you want to “get it”, and suddenly it’s three months later, and you look back to see the daily dedication of a “disciplined” language learner - and you didn’t even notice the effort.
The moral of the story? Try to avoid “shoulding” on yourself 